Adjustments
- M.Soto
- Apr 21, 2021
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 25, 2021
Oh hey, it’s been a couple months. I’ve been working so much on my mental and personal health I wanted to talk about it. Jordan has been okay. He‘s a happy child who has started to grasp things more. With that I’ve had to learn to know how to speak around him as well as learn how to deal with any new challenges that have arised due to his health. He was set to go through a minor procedure a couple months ago and the hospital staff called me to ask me about his health. I went into full detail. Later that night as we were sitting watching a movie he turned to me and said, “You know I heard that, you told her the doctors think I only have about 5 more years. Than what am I gonna die.” OH MAN..... I sat there and I had to think about my next words wisely. I told him that I didn’t mean it in that sense. That he would still be here in 5 years and to not think about that. I don’t think I handled that properly and I can only imagine how he took it. I hugged him and told him it’ll all be okay to not worry about it. Like any human though I’m sure he worried about it. Jordan will be 11 this years and I get emotional as he is getting older and I don’t know really how many more years I’m going to have with my child fully here with me. Still being able to talk to me and laugh with me and stumble around but still pushing himself to be independent, and that is where I get sad. I have really started to learn to live day by day but some days are just tough days and I’m thankful I can lay in bed at night and vent about it all and try again the next day. I had a conversation with one of his medical providers about his scoliosis and we discussed how fearful they were about him going through that surgery but we also spoke about what scoliosis can do to him. To take a risk and hope we can get through it alive or to let scoliosis do what its going to do and see my son go. Grieving, stress, anxiety, sadness, balance. Trying to work through all of these is so hard but I feel like I’m in a mental space now where I have been handling these situations better and everyday I tell myself if I can stay positive for him than I pray that that brings some peace and comfort to his daily life to allow
him to just live.
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